I have taken a break from wordpress lately, because life has been a little hectic. Tonight, however, I caught a break from the craziness and decided to write because I’ve had a topic weighing heavily on my heart for some time now, and sometimes this is the best outlet.
Tonight I went to a hangout with a bunch of friends from church. As I was mingling, I was also meeting NEW friends. When chatting with these lovely individuals, I discovered that tons of them loved to write, as do I. It was in these discussions about writing that I was reminded of one of the things I hate most when I write. I hate never feeling as though my writing is good enough. But then it dawned on me (for probably the 50th time this week) that it’s not just my writing. I don’t feel like I’m “enough” in a lot of aspects. My mind is my enemy and constantly reminds me of this lack of “enoughness.”
Here is a small list of the things I was reminded I’m not “enough” for within the last week:
- (We’ll start obvious) My writing is never good enough to be read (apparently this is a personal opinion)
- I don’t make enough money to live on, and I don’t manage my money well enough
- The guy I like is wonderful, in every way, and I don’t feel worthy enough to be liked by him in return
- I wasn’t lucky enough to have a loving family for my daughter to grow up admiring
- I’m not spontaneous, cool, or fun enough for my high school friends to still talk to me now that I have a child
- I don’t get out enough
- I don’t have enough time in the day to do the things that need to be done
- I don’t love God enough yet or spend enough time with Him like I should
This list could go on and on, but you get the point. There’s always something that isn’t enough about my life, or at least that’s what the enemy wants me to think.
You see, tonight as I was sitting alone in my car on the way home, I felt God pressing on my heart that although I may not be “enough” for my friends, or boys, or whatever the case may be, I AM ENOUGH FOR HIM. And just because I’ve realized this, does not mean that all the feelings of not being good enough for anything else just magically go away….I know that those feelings will take time to disappear. But I heard a song (one that I’ve heard a thousand times before) on my way home after getting this feeling. It was, “Redeemed” by Big Daddy Weave. There’s a verse that says, “All my life I have been called unworthy, named by the voice of my shame and regret. But when I hear You whisper, “Child lift up your head,” I remember oh God, You’re not done with me yet.” The underlined verse in this is the part that spoke to me the most. I know that God is not done molding me, or using me. I know that one day I will conquer all these things I don’t feel that I’m enough for now, and when that day comes, it will be wonderful, and it will be all because of God.